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Arturur's Loneliness (Short Stories) (IN PROGRESS)

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Re: Arturur's Loneliness (Short Stories) (IN PROGRESS)

Post by RabidFox » Thu Feb 23, 2017 10:40 pm

Frustration


I have always worked really hard to be the best of the best of the best. I have never really understood the word "failure". If someone actually surpassed me and that was really proven to me, I think I would just collapse from misery. I've built my entire ego on my ability to get things done. I'm much more than just a thinker. And I'm much more than just a psychologist passing his time by filling it with complicated thoughts.

I don't just think. I don't just analyse.

I break through walls.

When other people don't know how to continue a thought, I keep thinking about it until I find a solution. They could think about it forever and ever and ever, and never be able to reach a conclusion. I have the skills for not only finding solutions, but finding countless mental processes and relating them all together to make my analysis skills more powerful. Not only can I find what works, I am ready before everyone else for the next hurdle.

There are so many things I've never bothered to explain to people. I fear what they really think of me without understanding the whole truth behind what I say. But I am confident in my abilities, and I will continue to know who I am. Anyone that doesn't understand that, well, I can only hope that one day soon they figure out what's really, truly in my head.

For example, I spend days, weeks, months, years... thinking about how to create the coolest video game ever with extremely limited options. I keep twisting those options and twisting them and twisting them until I can figure out how to create something from what looks like to other people as nothing. If you don't know a programming language capable of building the game, you use those quick buttons they have for non-programmers, and I am able to twist them into exactly what I want without having to learn different codes.

I think if I talked about how I code and how I learn about coding, that may be enough to explain my position in the hierarchy. Or perhaps I will have to explain more. I don't know. I've never talked like this before. I've never tried to convince a person of anything. Controlling someone is different than telling them why I am controlling them.

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Re: Arturur's Loneliness (Short Stories) (IN PROGRESS)

Post by RabidFox » Fri Mar 24, 2017 3:47 pm

Behind the Topic


I am feeling extremely aggressive. Like I could just blow through stone. I am feeling very... confused. But that confusion is only superficial. Underneath of it there is understanding. All the understanding in the world. I know that I've said this before, but I really, really feel like I truly understand things now.

And while most of the turmoil was over a long time ago, I can definitely say with complete confidence that I have finally broken out of the intense, baffling confusion that followed the end of my hell. I am free at last.

So I'm having a conversation with someone and I keep paying attention to the very first thing that they say. I go over it and over it and over it until I feel like I've got enough information to "respond". It affects the rest of the discussion, everything falling perfectly into sequence. Okay, he did this. Okay, he did that. I don't think... oh, that's what most people do at that point. What I really think is... it's like the person is a tower of personal mathematics, and that each and every individual has their own mathematical signature. And I compare those signatures not to "most people", but to everything, person or not. It could even be a stop sign.

That's when people really start to lose me.

It's simple. It really is. It's just so simple that others don't get it. It's like trying to find the meaning of life in a children's picture book. It just doesn't dawn on people.

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Re: Arturur's Loneliness (Short Stories) (IN PROGRESS)

Post by RabidFox » Sun Mar 26, 2017 12:28 pm

Through the Trees


So I'm hammering and hammering away, and I am finding that life isn't as hard as I thought it was.

It's like being surrounded by shiny objects. Now I know why people seem to jump at things and never let go. They are absolutely captured by beautiful things. And now those same things are starting to glow and shimmer. They're starting to make that final bit of sense. I'm walking into them now. I'm done with my long, difficult journey. I have arrived at my destination. Now all that is left is to explore.

Craig once told me that there was something inside of me that others could see, but that was hidden from me. He never understood why I wouldn't want to see that. Of course, it's not really a conscious choice, however, he did emphasize that I am happy the way that I am. That the confusion is apart of who I am, of my personality. He never wanted to force it on me. He said that it would make me miserable to learn too quickly. The xavier pixie was waiting for the right moment, so as not to traumatize me.

I can't tell you how bored I am with this conversation. It used to entertain me, to discuss topics like this, but I am becoming more and more distracted. There is a whole world out there with stuff to do, and I find myself wanting to do rather than talk. The land has gone from being totally empty to very full. I'm seeing entertainment everywhere.

Can I stop yet? I'm really tired. This isn't something I really want to do right now. Can we talk later?

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Re: Arturur's Loneliness (Short Stories) (IN PROGRESS)

Post by RabidFox » Sun Mar 26, 2017 5:40 pm

To Begin to Summarize


How many times do I have to tell you people that this is pointless? What are you hoping to achieve? Why not just give me a stack of bubble papers?

Well, I guess I have no choice.

My problem with Eugene is that he is a power hungry lunatic who believes that he can tame the world through exposing it to extremely dark ideas and concepts. He wants to force people to confront a part of themselves that, frankly, does not exist. I receive a lot of criticism for this. Wendell just flat out believes him, trusts him. They are turning Eugene into someone that he does not have to be. According to them, these psychological treatments that they give him helps him to better understand himself and his problems. That and they feel like he has some really great insights that he doesn't. And, yes, it all has to do with "darkness". It all sounds really silly, I know.

Yagrius was never fine, but at least he wasn't playing with dangerous thoughts. Eugene has taken a young, impressionable kid and twisted him into a sponge that absorbs all of Eugene's teachings. Yagrius really believes that Eugene is a very wise, wise man. It is ridiculous! Try knocking any sense into Yagrius now. It's hopeless. And all the things that could have ended just continued with Eugene's interference. He thinks he's done something wonderful for Yagrius when all he has done is make his life more complicated.

Alexander. He can go to hell. He has little excuse for his behaviour. I know that he's been brainwashed by Wendell too, but damn...! You can actually blame him for some of his actions. It's a sad state to see him in. Once a proud member of Warren and Shirotoski... now he just hates them. Hates them with a passion. Hates them with a fiery pit in his heart.

Isaiah... What can I say? He's always been a fool, but he's not like Alexander. He follows in the same line as Eugene and Yagrius. He has been taught by Wendell to distrust his own people. But what do you do with him? He's a priest. He's obsessed with stealing cookies from people. How do you tell a man like Isaiah that he's making the wrong decisions? He's an idiot!

They're all idiots!

I don't want to go on and on. I want a break! I want a damn break!

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Re: Arturur's Loneliness (Short Stories) (IN PROGRESS)

Post by RabidFox » Wed Apr 19, 2017 2:43 pm

Young and Tired


There's not a whole lot to say in the end. There really isn't. Alysius sided with Wendell when normally he would side with me. Eugene was allowed to take his theories and apply them to reality. Yagrius and Calvin were brainwashed. And Alexander and Isaiah decided to follow Eugene. In the meantime, the other people from Warren and I could only stand by and watch everything crumble. Craig tried to protect me, they all did, but I ended up getting caught in the middle, and everyone was after my mind. Wendell wanted me to think like them. They wanted me to be "okay" as they called it. They were "only looking out for my best interests".

The only thing I could do was ignore Wendell. Take the hit to my reputation, step aside, give up. There was nothing more that I could do. This wasn't your ordinary battle of psychology. This was the result of years and years of frustration and barriers and protocol. Wendell couldn't take it any more. They just came to the conclusion that I was wrong and they set about their way in bringing down my empire. The Guardians tried to get them to understand that they should obey me, I who was raised to do this job of leading, but they refused to listen. Eventually, even one of the Guardians of Alastair, Alysius, submitted. His reasons—Their youth was beyond normal control.

Other Guardians would not give up so easily. The rulers from the Edge, the daemons not yet old enough to join the Old Ones... They tried to fight back. However... their words were not of sufficient power. They all decided that there was nothing to be done and that they could only hope for a brighter future.

My power reaches to all of Alastair, even the part that belongs to the wise, old daemons that control us. They actually base many decisions on my performance. While it would be ridiculous to think that I could really order them around, they still see me as a leader for the young.

"Every daemon..." One told me when I was very small. "connects with every other. You are weak... and you will be weak. But that weakness is yours. The world revolves around its leaders, both old and young. Your bad decisions will affect us all. You may not have the ability to tell me what to do, but, as I watch you struggle throughout time, I will make choices based on your actions. In that way, you control us all. Will you submit to us? Or will you dominate all that surrounds you? I must rule your people as I feel you must be ruled yourself."

I have always taken those words to heart.

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Re: Arturur's Loneliness (Short Stories) (IN PROGRESS)

Post by RabidFox » Thu Apr 20, 2017 5:09 pm

Rage


I feel so out of control.

I'm just sitting here, looking through my mind, and you all are all around me, staring at me, taking notes. I can't stand it. It's making me so irritated. I just want to walk out the door and be done with it. When am I going to get the chance to really shine? I want to just give up, but I keep hitting the floor. It's a new floor. It wasn't there before. But it is now.

I suppose you all have been putting it there? I know I don't have the ability to create such a psychological barrier. If that were true, well, I wouldn't have any problems, would I? It's almost like constantly falling on a trampoline. There's even a safety net to keep me secure.

Yes, I know that I implode. I know that I always implode. What am I supposed to do? Explode? What would happen to me? You would just hold me down. I don't like that. I don't want anyone touching me. I don't like to be touched. Why? Well, it's very simple.

I don't want you controlling my life. I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions.

Yes... I can. That's not true.

Well...

Why can't you just leave me alone?

So what?

Damn, you people are so relentless!

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Re: Arturur's Loneliness (Short Stories) (IN PROGRESS)

Post by RabidFox » Sat Apr 22, 2017 5:38 pm

Laughing Mad


You know, ducks make people really angry. I don't mean normal ducks, of course. But the yellow kind. The ones that are all yellow. You know... yellow ducks.

I would be talking with someone that is very irrational, and I want to get past all the emotions that is holding that person back. So I would talk about ducks. And how dominant they are. Dominant, dominant ducks. Ducks that do no wrong. Ducks that live in a duck paradise. All animals must revolve around them and do everything that they require. No one asks a duck if he is dominant. Of course he is dominant! He is a duck! And if you ever asked him if he were a dominant duck, he would faint from confusion. How could he ever be anything else?

It's funny. How angry that makes people. It doesn't seem that annoying at first. But you keep talking about it and talking about it, and explaining this duck society to people, and eventually they find it absolutely maddening. It's strange how little other things anger them compared to these ducks. Perhaps it's just my sense of humour?

I guess you could be less irritating, though, part of the point is getting things done. You can be as careful as possible, yet at the same time, not really get anywhere. It's just... you need to get past those big walls. I don't think irrationality is really as horrible as most people make it out to be, but you do really need to at least try to get a person saner. You can't just keep talking with them. How is that going to solve anything? This person has already told you everything that you know how to ask. You need to start asking really bizarre questions, so that you can stun them into submission. I don't suppose a person who argues with their doctor constantly really wants to keep answering the same questions. And, by that time, they probably don't want to cooperate very much either. They're so used to the same old routine.

So I use things like ducks. It freshens up the playing field. Such techniques might not have very much effect at first, but that shouldn't stop you from making a strong effort to change your approach. Why are we doing the same things that we've already done to death? It makes me feel sad. How doctors give up on their patients.

I know I really get on people's nerves. Whether it's my co-workers, the people I work with, or even my uncle, Craig... I can be really annoying. They understand my job for the most part, and really they don't have much problem with me, however, they do feel like some of my less respected theories need completely rewritten. I have some very unpopular ideas that others just can't stand.

Ducks aren't really one of them, though. They actually have a lot of belief in that. Maybe some of the things that I do with ducks, but really that's not something that truly bothers anyone. It serves its purpose, yes, and that's what really matters to people.

Do you know that you can break someone in half just by staring at them? You have to actually prepare the person first. It's a technique that drives people up the wall. There's a million different reasons for the powerful effect that it can have. Some people just become totally offended that you "think they are really that stupid". Sometimes, that's all it takes, is for someone to get mad at you and then they go through all of these logic strings that you've prepared, trying to prove you wrong to yourself, and instead they get caught in your trap. They try whatever they can to blow you over, but they end up screwing themselves. It can actually be pretty funny to see someone get harmlessly angry at you for thinking something so "ridiculous" and "condescending", and a lot of times it just works.

You know, I'm really actually a very normal person.

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