How the Great Craig Stole Christmas (Poetry) (FINISHED)

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RabidFox
The Great Fox
The Great Fox
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How the Great Craig Stole Christmas (Poetry) (FINISHED)

Post by RabidFox »

How the Great Craig Stole Christmas
A Parody of How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss


The following story written in poetry takes place on a planet much like Earth. It occurs during an era with both Victorian and modern elements. All characters are daemons: Humanoid people with pointy ears, fangs, claws, and commonly spiky hair.

The setting is a psychology office building where Craig works as a therapist. The story is narrated by Craig.

See an image of Craig here.

Part of the Doctor Arturur series. How the Great Craig Stole Christmas is a side story written in poetry. It is set some time before the events of Arturur's Destiny.



(FINISHED)


Pronunciations

Damon (DAY-MUHN)


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RabidFox
The Great Fox
The Great Fox
Posts: 6096
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 1:06 am
Gender: Male
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Re: How the Great Craig Stole Christmas (Poetry) (FINISHED)

Post by RabidFox »

Oh, how I hate Christmas and all the annoyance it brings,
Oh, how my nerves it very stings!

Christmas is coming and I can sense it,
Even from my locked office I can predict it!

Normally, it's so quiet and peaceful,
But soon there will be noise from all the people!

That holiday spirit that is so easy to catch,
That merry fun that has no match!

Everyone will start sharing season's greetings,
And there will be lots of happiness in meetings.

There will be many smiles instead of depression,
And the intensity of cheer will not lessen.

There will be less family fighting,
And more goodness sighting.

They will all wear red and green,
And the world will become a lot less mean.

Children will cry with joy,
As they await their new Christmas toys.

Therapists will get a bonus in pay,
And great thanks they will all say.

People will be nice to me,
I will have to start using a key!

I will keep myself locked up,
Because of Christmas I am already fed up!

Then people will share gifts,
And there will be even shorter shifts.

All around me there will be giving,
I don't know how I will go on living!

For the wall, some inspirational art,
A disc of relaxing sounds for the mind to depart.

A pocket watch for putting a patient to sleep,
An alarm clock that tells you when a session is over with a beep.

A nice, new leather couch,
For patients to lie and grouch, grouch, grouch.

A fine desk made of cedar,
To make one look even more the mind reader.

Many books for the shelf,
Along with a sly, little elf.

Packs of paper and fresh pens,
Lots of clips and staples for the win.

A collection of art supplies,
To capture that emotional rise.

A dry erase board with markers,
A chalk board for something darker.

A poster full of emotions,
A soothing print of the oceans.

A pad of prescriptions,
A pill of every description.

Comfy chairs for the lobby,
A magazine for every hobby.

Plus a tree for the room,
To disperse any gloom.

A flat screen telly for the family,
A space heater that gives warmth gladly.

Bowls of candy and cookies,
Pamphlets of advice for the rookies.

A slim phone for the receptionist,
An answering machine for every call missed.

A sign for the door,
That says “Do Not Disturb Any More”.

And don't forget a wreath for it too!
But don't put one on my door or I'll sue!

An updated water cooler,
How could the holidays get any crueller?

I know what I'll do!
I'll ruin Christmas with rue!

I'll take all their new things,
And get rid of everything!

I'll throw it all away,
It won't take me a day!

I will paint over the art,
I will play on it with darts.

I will take the batteries out of the watches,
And I will never get nauseous.

I will have no remorse,
And I will in fact be even more coarse!

For the couch, I will get a dog,
For the desk, I will chop it up like a log.

I will burn all the books,
All the papers and clips and staples will be took.

I'll write mean things on the dry erase board,
I'll slice up the chalkboard with a samurai sword.

I will draw frowns on the posters,
I will drink beer the whole time and not use coasters.

I will scratch up the new chairs,
I will scribble on the magazines without a care.

I will find a vacuum cleaner,
And make that blasted tree leaner.

I will suck up all the ornaments,
I will win this Christmas tournament.

I will smash the telly and cut the cable,
I do not care if I'm emotionally unstable!

I will break all the toys,
I will spoil it for all the girls and boys.

I will eat all the candy and cookies,
I will rip up all the pamphlets for the rookies.

I will write on the signs,
I will cross out the words with lines.

I will tear down the wreaths,
I will make it look like a thief.

I will rip out the cord for the new phone,
Know that I will do this all on my own!

I will lie and say that my schedule is full,
Just in case someone tries to be cool.

Just in case someone tries to be kind,
And share with me their Christmas mind.

And finally I will put a hole in the cooler,
Oh my, how could I be crueller?

I will make sure that Christmas will not come,
I will not rest until I am done!

I will sit here and plan,
I will do all that I can!

Because I am the Great Craig, of course,
And all of psychology I am the source.

But then I think of my nephew,
His smile and cheer.

I think of him fondly,
To my thoughts he is near.

And I wonder at what I am about to do,
And my emotions warm up just for us two.

He wouldn't like my plans,
He wouldn't like my Christmas ban.

My nephew means so much,
Perhaps what I am doing is too much?

I guess I'll have to stop,
Before I climb all the way to the top.

Before I ascend this terrible tower,
Before I relish in all my power.

I need to think of him,
I don't want to tear him limb from limb.

I need to rethink my Christmas spite,
I need to use all my mental might.

A psychologist I am,
But this chance I have is slim.

This chance that I will not hurt,
This chance that I will only assert.

It's not worth it, I find,
As I think of his mind.

I could do much bad,
And make my nephew so sad.

So I will have to stop before I even get started,
Otherwise I will do something that is very black hearted.

Dear nephew of mine,
Sweet like the scent of pine.

I can not hurt you, it's true,
Because it's always been just me and you.

I've been your father when you had none,
I've watched you grow and mature under the great sun.

I've told you how to live your life,
I never plague you with my strife.

You're as innocent as one can get,
And your feelings I will not bet.

For if there is any good in my spirit,
It's because you've always been near it.

So I won't ruin Christmas this time,
Or any time that my clock may chime.

I will just bear it and smile,
And keep my anger inside to simply rile.

I will see you and I will think,
That I will never break your Christmas link.

I must bear it so that you,
Can be happy on Christmas too.
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