Indrick's journal (CY)

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Indrick151
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Indrick's journal (CY)

Post by Indrick151 »

Well this is whereI'll put my thoughts whenever they hit me in a coherent enogh fashion to be put down. I'll start with an old poem I wrote a few months ago. Came from the way I know I answer things people ask me... I almost seem to follow this pattern everytime.

You asked me a question.
I answered “yesâ€
Last edited by Indrick151 on Tue Dec 01, 2009 3:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
'reality is bending and screwing me over but at least it has decency' - Jackie twisting my words.

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RabidFox
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Post by RabidFox »

That's an interesting poem. Nice job.

By the way, is this thread open to comments? You forgot to use a journal tag. If not, I will remove my comment.

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Post by Rainwhisker »

There's a journal tag?

I also wanted to know if it was open to comments.

I really like that poem -- means a lot, and the way I look at it the way I do right now, I think it's really inspirational.
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Post by Indrick151 »

Nope it's all good Rabid, it just slipped my mind and all, I even checked before I wrote it up, seeing what I needed to add to say comments were welcome. And thanks for the comment and bringing the comment thing to my attention.

And thanks Dark, I'm not sure how it's inspirational considering I wrote it in an emo moment looking at the words "yes... no... maybe... I don't know" (which used to be my old msn screen name before I used 'Indrick'). But if you find it that way then cool ^^ but it means alot to me.
'reality is bending and screwing me over but at least it has decency' - Jackie twisting my words.

'In a war in heaven, Angels fall first'

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Post by Rainwhisker »

Heehee, like I said; from the way I look at it right now, it's pretty similar to what I went through, and I came out of it a new Lynx. It's just nostalgic, because not long after that was the first time I was seriously happy with myself -- all 100% of me.

Though the circumstance I found that was rather weird...those people at starbucks must've been going O.O when they saw me laughing and smiling to myself.
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Post by Indrick151 »

Seeing as though this journal is a space for my self indulgence and reflection in a public way lets dig a bit further back than that last piece that I did and put up the first piece that I seriously wrote. It's worse than the last one in multiple ways, structure, overall theme and in terms of self indulgent stupidity,not to mention shit melodrama. Overall it's shit, and crap, and deserves to be forgotten and deleted. But I can't be stuffed getting rid of it, and so I'll put it here because I feel shamelessly emo today.

I wanted to be great when I was three
Now I merely want to be free
To be rid of doubt
To have my spirit become stout
But I know this dream is in vain
For I have lain,
For far too long in darkness
Now I cannot see the light of greatness
And now I hide in shadows
Watching my friends play in the meadows
Once it was others who trapped me
But now I trap myself I see

There is no escape
This is to be my fate
The hour is late
There is only one more step down which I can fall
And I lift the knife
Once plunged I cannot stall
The seeping away of my life…
'reality is bending and screwing me over but at least it has decency' - Jackie twisting my words.

'In a war in heaven, Angels fall first'

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Post by Rainwhisker »

Wow, that was significantly more emo...and kinda less hopeful.

Though the admittance of the problem is actually a nice add to it instead of "WHY I"M SO MISERABLE /emo/wrists"
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Post by Indrick151 »

Dream, noun:
3. A wild fancy or hope
5. A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration:

Dreams, the gateways to hope, to a better future, to that perfect possible future. My arse. I don't think there's anything in dreams, we say reach for your dreams and you will achieve. We cite million in one cases where people have succeeded. What lies, what bullshit. Dreams never come true, they never happen. They just linger there, like a taunting enemy at the edges, egging us on, to make us go further to the edge. Closer to the rocks like sirens. Until we fall off, crash on the rocks. The only salvation is in abandoning them, in leaving them by the wayside, to rot in their own filth and lies. To dream a hundred times is to follow a hundred falsehoods. They are the bastard children of truth and fact, the thought that is created when we believe we can fly closer to the sun.

Then we get burnt. We see the light, we reach an epiphany, that they are nothing, and that we must accept this world for what it is, and what we are in it. Meaningless ants, whose destiny to eat, drink, shit, fuck, give birth and die. Dust to dust. Ashes to ashes. Return to the clay that we were made of. Food for worms. Dreams try to stave this truth off, and make it that much harsher when we realise it, and when we do it cuts like a blade, and if we choose not to accept reality and continue dreaming we risk getting cut again and again, each time we deny the epiphany thrust before us.

So dreams are a lie. And I hate them. But I can't stop having them.
'reality is bending and screwing me over but at least it has decency' - Jackie twisting my words.

'In a war in heaven, Angels fall first'

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Post by Rainwhisker »

Hrm. No idea how to comment on that one.

Still, uh. I think of dreams more like an image of the future than just an abstract vision that I blindly aim for. Like, huh...it's so abstract I can't describe it -_-;

When I look at the mirror, I see myself now -- all inches of it - physical, mental, and spiritual, good and bad. That's me now, so I know what to change - the bad.

Most of the time we're so blindly oblivious to the truth, thinking that the future will be perfect, where we're the hero and we become an amazing person, or somewhere up there in the hierarchy. Thing is, it's not as easy as dreaming. Getting there is next to an impossible fight unless one knows his weakness, and the first step is admitting it. One must be a realist and an idealist to know how to move on without dreaming fake dreams of splendour. Even if one just dreams and is fed that silver spoon, one of those times they'll only be shocked to see life turn upside down if they think they're perfect -- the higher they were, the harder they'll fall. Admitting their faults is one of the hardest fights, the next one is living with it for the rest of their life, because they aren't that easily changed.

The Phantom of The Opera was a wonderful play that gave that lesson to me.
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Post by Indrick151 »

heh sorry... don't need to react, it just hit me and I needed to get it out... felt like I was going to pop or snap at someone... right now I'm going stir crazy and everything seems to be falling in around me (or going nowhere), even if in reality it's not, so I take my frustration out on absract ideas. Admittedly though I lost faith in dreams, mostly cause they're built up with things like "aspire to be all you can be" when ultimately all you'll be is 1 of 6 billion people. Or in other words, as insignificant as dirt.

I intend to read The Phantom of The Opera sometime though. Anyway I'm sorry about my emo rant, none of you should see it...
'reality is bending and screwing me over but at least it has decency' - Jackie twisting my words.

'In a war in heaven, Angels fall first'

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Post by Rainwhisker »

That's what this section of the forum's for, ain't it?

No offence taken, this is the sort of things that I enjoy talking about -- it gets my mind thinking about other people and how they feel other than what I myself think.
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Post by Indrick151 »

Well here is another shitful thought from the dungeon like recesses of my stupid mind. Enjoy. Or hate. I have no idea, it's random words and thoughts and images that crossed my mind.

Choices, the fall from clouds
The dreams that haunt
The two paths for two legs
My nightingale sock puppet
A long fall
A lost hope.
A doomed dream.
My steps into darkness,
Taking me ever deeper.
Help me...
No don’t help me...
I don’t deserve your help...
My nightmare
My problem
My solution.
'reality is bending and screwing me over but at least it has decency' - Jackie twisting my words.

'In a war in heaven, Angels fall first'

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Post by Indrick151 »

Diving:
Look at the pool beneath me, so dark, so deep, but natural. That’s a word that’s been forgotten, natural. It rolls about my mouth like a playful kitten, whistling out of my lips like autumn leaves. It’s a word polluted by man. When it was first spoken it was polluted. All ideas and things that are named and spoken are polluted. It’s not our fault; it’s just the... nature of things. But this pool holds a kernel of that memory.

It’s in my mind, it’s a pool of all those moments that you feel things you can’t explain, that wonder at looking up at an empty sky, and feeling awed at the blueness, and that rush of emotion when you kiss another person... It’s also that flood of passion when you hate, and that darkness you sink into when you’re sad. It’s good and bad. But at least it’s pure. Another word I pollute by using it. But have no choice; I have to use it to explain things to you.

And so again I dive off this metal tower I stand on, into this pool, and revel in the final vestige of nature within me. The dark water around me, cool sometimes, so so cold that I feel my limbs numb and others it is warm, almost to burning. And still I dive deeper. These feelings evoke memories, the good and the bad. Do they matter? I don’t know. I just keep diving, searching for it.

But what do I search for? I don’t know. I only know what it is. It’s somewhere down there. My arms are giving up, but still I know that it’s there. Something pure and unsullied, something that cannot be described by words. Something that will remake me.
'reality is bending and screwing me over but at least it has decency' - Jackie twisting my words.

'In a war in heaven, Angels fall first'

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Post by RabidFox »

Very good writing. You've got a poet's spirit in you there.

"It rolls about my mouth like a playful kitten"

Nice line there. I like the way you word that. I look forward to your future posts in this thread.

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Post by Rainwhisker »

Indeed, this one's very deep. I like it. =D The wording you used was quite interesting, a unique way to describe things.
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